The people of California rejoiced yesterday as a long ongoing drought was fixed by a young Silicon Valley millionaire, Palmer Luckey.
Luckey revealed to The Daily Beast that he was a Donald Trump supporter and funder of a “shitposting” and “meme magic” PAC, thereby causing a flood of liberal tears to wash over California.
— CB Shamah (@cbshamah) September 23, 2016
— Scruta Games (@ScrutaGames) September 23, 2016
— SexyRedheadPictures (@girlfightclub) September 23, 2016
Witnesses say the flood was not quite of Biblical proportions, but pretty close anyway.
Palmer Luckey anonymously wrote about his views on Reddit:
You can’t fight the American elite without serious firepower. They will outspend you and destroy you by any and all means.
Luckey made his fortune in virtual reality. His start-up, Oculus, was bought by Facebook in 2014 for $2 billion.
You won’t hear this stuff from the lying mainstream media. Keep the GotNews mission alive: donate at GotNews.com/donate or send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org
This is the first time Luckey has publicly signalled his support for leading presidential candidate Donald J. Trump, following in the footsteps of another Silicon Valley titan, Peter Thiel.
Thiel endorsed Donald Trump in a memorable speech at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this summer.
Reports of grateful Californians throwing themselves at Luckey’s feet have been flowing into GotNews’ inbox. GotNews cannot independently confirm those reports yet.
I was going to recommend our business support Occulus until I read about @PalmerLuckey. We're going to go another way now, OBVs.
— m. singleton (@the_M_Singleton) September 23, 2016
@PalmerLuckey kill yourself
— alwady (@alwdy9) September 23, 2016
Aaaaand the founder of Oculus Rift appears to be a racist shithead ?https://t.co/VGh9RnlFr7
— Faintdreams (@faintdreams) September 23, 2016
“I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday,” said Kayla, 19. “He told me he was voting for Hillary. Gross! I am devoting my life to Palmer Luckey and Donald Trump now.”
GotNews can confirm that Kayla is super hot.
“I’ve been trying for years to fix the drought here in California,” Desmond, 25, told GotNews. “Palmer did it in a day by triggering liberals. Genius! It’s the one resource California has an oversupply of. Palmer is a real problem-solver, just like Mr. Trump.”
An anonymous source told GotNews that Stanford researchers are investigating the possibility of using the energy produced by furious keyboard typing to solve America’s clean energy crisis.
“They are also taking a look at the heat produced by mass inflammation of the buttocks,” according to the source. “This is a new kind of clean energy that wasn’t being looked at before, but is now, thanks to Palmer Luckey and Donald Trump.”
Liberals might just save America yet!
Palmer Luckey has not commented on his miraculous works yet. He was last seen flying into the sunset atop a giant eagle over the Pacific ocean, according to reports.
“I saw him on the beach right before he flew away,” Robert, 37, told GotNews. “I thanked him, and he said ‘Don’t thank me. Thank America.’ Then the eagle appeared and he was gone.”
“His sunglasses were totally badaass,” Robert added. “Thank you Palmer!”
GotNews is waiting for updates on this story.
Our researchers found Senator John McCain’s Vietnam propaganda tapes after 50 years of silence. They identified the Milwaukee #BlackLivesMatter criminal/martyr hours before any major media outlet. They shut down Facebook’s biased left-wing trending news team. If you’d like to hire our research team, email us at email@example.com.
Like our scoops? You won’t hear this stuff from the lying mainstream media. Keep the GotNews mission alive: send tips to firstname.lastname@example.org or donate at GotNews.com/donate.